The Orange Hat

Success is only what you make of it- no one can grant you it, it's your construct

I am writing this for me. I need to write this, and I need to find out where it is going.

The last time I felt like this was in a Coffee shop in Nairobi almost nine months ago- and the outcome was euphoric – in a mind blowing, expanding, linking way. I don’t care what you think of this. This is for me. So write.

I haven’t been a good person to the people who have helped me along my travels. I should be writing letters to those who met up with me in Lesotho (Glen and Ray) and showed me the most amazing time in their small country. I should have sent Steve his Twizlers, I should have responded to Boneys email, he had such hopes and dreams. Yet I am not, I’m writing this, else I will never do what I just committed myself into doing- words have power, thoughts are easily forgotten.

This is a to-do list. There are no check offs. There are only paths. I am choosing to turn around and follow up places I have been. Write to them.

I have guilt about certain things I’ve done, and people I have acted towards in a way I would not like to be treated. At the same time I did what I thought best in a situation that was in the end: about me. I don’t blame you Sylvia- I just don’t care anymore, and leaving was the best and most enjoyable choice I’ve ever made in my life- in some respects I pity you. Kizzy, I will write, Asha, I will write- Danny you are amazing.

I enjoy being active. Facebook is a tool, Email is a tool, and books are tools. Caffeine, alcohol, is just means to whatever ends you choose. I have been more projective High than spending hours on FB – it has wasted more of my time than I wish- but is useful enough that I will keep it. Choices.

I am watching myself, and going a path I choose. This is for those who aren’t. I am tired of telling people who don’t care how Africa was- go find out, it’s the only real way to know and for anyone who wants to know the full story:

I was walking outside of a bar to go home, which was about 5 km away from down town Nairobi, at 1am. I walked through a park and woke up in the hospital. I don’t remember how I got there. The nurses told me I was mugged by no less than 4 men, who then proceeded to take my passport, id, and a few other important Items. I was probably strangled then hit on the head. The result of this was 70% hearing loss in my right ear which (70%! No all, so I can hear some thing you whisper in my ear) I will probably not recover from (nerve damage)- and skull fracture which has healed. I had balanced problems; they are now not an issue. This was the 2nd week I was in Kenya. My mother did not ask me to come home. I was in a nice hospital for about a week. I know I am stupid, do not do what I did.

I am somewhat angry at my lack of productivity- I feel the urge- it pounds at my head. I’m going. GO